morning part 1

     I looked out the window and saw more rain. The seventh straight day. 10am feels like 5pm. 8pm feels like midnight. It's all the same. Clouds and darkness. Wind and rain. The alarm on my pink Nokia phone went off. My blankets covered my body. Only my eyes went uncovered. I pushed my head out of the down sheet that was on top of me. Exhaling heavily I could see my breath. My room was cold.  Early morning decisions were always hard. Should I let the alarm keep ringing and lay under my deliciously warm blankets? Should I risk sticking my hand out in the frigidness of my room to grab the remote for the electric heater on the wall? Should I push off all my blankets, grab my bathrobe that was sloppily draped on the old wooden chair next to my bed, put on my slippers and quickly start to get dressed? I decided against all three. Keeping my blankets close to my body I leaned out over the foot of my bed, grabbed my phone and unplugged it from the charger. No work today means my morning didn't have to be rushed like it is every Friday. I shut off the alarm and hugged my blankets tighter. 

    Morning was the worst. My mind raced. Uncontrollably. Everything and anything entered my mind. Maybe I would throw up. My legs and feet started to feel dirty. My chest hurt. My blankets didn't fit the bed right. How could I ever be comfortable? I thought about getting a haircut and a shave. I thought about when I lost my keys at the park in 5th grade and how upset it made me. I remembered when I left my favorite hat in the P.S. 122 playground at lunch and never found it. James had asked me how I kept my brim so straight and that he wish his hat looked like mine. So stupid of me to loose that hat! I looked to the left and wondered if my laundry had dried. I only have five shirts and three were hanging on hangers in front of the window. I really didn't want to wear the grey one again. Harry had a sneezing fit last night at work and the poor kid must have infected everyone in the room. No way I was putting that shirt back on today. I really hoped my clothes were dry. 

    I wasn't sure if not having curtains bothered me or not. Morning light used to drive me insane. Now I just stared into it wondering how much light was going into other peoples apartments. I wondered how many people had their curtains pulled open at that very moment. I grabbed the remote and turned on the electric heater. My Chinese book was on the floor to my left. I grabbed that too. Ni hao ma? Ni zai na li gong zuo? Ni zhu zai na li?  Ni shi na li ren?